Sport - The Ashes 3rd Test Perth Preview. Beer and Skittles.

Line 'em up, knock 'em down - Aussie selection policy in tatters.

Two weeks of snow and ice are slowly beginning to thaw back in England but at nowhere near the pace of the receding threat of Australian cricket. The UK's earliest start to winter in 17 years has been nicely counteracted by the warmth generated from English cricket's earliest start to the Ashes down under for 23 years. Long suffering England fans used to the chopping and changing of a squad usually crippled by injury, inferiority, or both have been treated to life on the other side of the mirror this week as Australia produced a selection policy pulled straight from the 90's English classic Little Book of Horrors and Knee-jerk Obstinate Reactions to Losing Hopelessly.

Nathan Hauritz, once Princely heir to the Warne throne and fresh from making a career best 146 and taking 3-62 to ensure victory for his state team New South Wales is not in the picture. In his place, or at least in the place vacated by the out-of-his-depth Xavier Doherty, please welcome Michael Beer. What do you mean - "Who?" That's Michael Beer, 26, a man with five first-class matches under his belt and 16 wickets at 40. Scoff not. As Andrew Hilditch the selector has noted, Beer is a local specialist at the Waca in Perth. Except he isn't. 12 months ago he was playing club cricket on the other side of the country. He's played three matches at the Waca, never taking more than three wickets. It's quite possible Hilditch doesn't really know who Beer is. And it's mighty strange and extremely satisfying that Australia are capable of having their very own Ted Dexter moments.

So who else is in the picture. Step forward Steve Smith. Brought in as a replacement for North (a casualty nobody can argue with) he is almost certain to play and equally almost certain to score the same runs and take the same wickets as North did. The problem with that is that North was meant to be a batsman who could turn his arm over occasionally. Smith is supposed to be a leggy who can bat a bit. Six of one, half a dozen of the other. But far more likely a couple of each. Runs and wickets that is.

Next in line is Phillip Hughes. England have destroyed his career once already, Harmison and Flintoff finding him out with the short ball. Oh how Broad would have loved to bowl at him. And it's for that reason I expect to see a like-for-like change in the England ranks with the tall Tremlett being given his chance to bounce at Hughes.

Changes four and five (that's nearly half the team - well, they were rubbish weren't they?) bring in, or rather bring back Mitchell Johnson and Ben Hilfenhaus. So ineffective at the Gabba they were both dropped for Adelaide these two selections alone are highly symptomatic of the panic and disarray displayed by this squad selection. Johnson hasn't had a game since Brisbane. Neither has Hilfenhaus. It looks like a case of doing nothing being better than doing poorly. They are both recalled not on the strength of any comeback form but on the weakness of Bollinger at Adelaide. England must be licking their lips.

W.A.C.A Perth

Win the toss and...? Australia will bat, they always do. Any change to this would be seen as a sign of weakness, pretty much like a weak team winning the toss and bowling just to make the game last longer. However, a quick look through recent Tests shows that the team batting in the 4th innings always makes a high score, whether to win, lose or draw. It is here two years ago that I managed to catch Mitchell Johnson exploding onto the global radar with an eight wicket demolition of South Africa only for the Saffas to bite back in the 4th innings with a world record 414-4. And it was an easy 414-4. Australia barely looked like taking a wicket on that fifth day (indeed, they took just one). And in that attack was Brett Lee. And Mitchell Johnson, Peter Siddle and an unknown spinner about to fade into obscurity Jason Krejza. Beware Michael Beer.

England, win the toss, field. Although to be honest, does it even matter these days?