Sport - The Ashes 5th Test Sydney. England in the pink.

Man of the series Alistair Cook

It was a lovely touch for the ACB to hand over the 3rd day (and every subsequent 3rd day at Sydney herein) to Jane McGrath and the Breast Cancer Awareness charity. The only shame for Jane's surviving husband Glenn was that Australia's bowlers took it as the chance to hand over the series to England in such a timid and lucklustre way that would have been anathema to the Aussie ex-great. Jane found herself sharing her day with Alistair Cook who added another mere 189 for a series total of 766. One hopes the Barmy Army were as generous to Jane as they were to Cook. If the sea of pink was anything to go by, it was as good a day for charity as it was for Cook.

For the record (and there were so many records in this series) Sydney was Melbourne plus a few more runs. England won by an innings and 83 runs and racked up their biggest total of 644 all out. Australia's figures are a lesson in mediocrity and don't even deserve a mention. Looking back at the five tests only Perth gives any justification to the natural pessimism of the England fan and looks more of an anomaly, a statistical freak, than a cause for concern or analysis. It really is their turn to suffer. Clarke took over the reigns from the injured Ponting and if this was the first days of the rest of his (captaincy) life then Clarke has an extremely hard slog ahead of him. In defeat at least he was gracious enough to admit to being outplayed in all departments and talked of the lessons the Australians needed to learn from England. As true as they are, those last words still sound like a fairy tale until you remind yourself of the scorecards and the one-sided dominance commanded by England in these Ashes.

Anderson continued his dominance. Haddin continued to get in the pictures.

If you substitute Prior for Collingwood (more of him soon) the England top six all had good (Strauss) to brilliant (Cook) series. Anderson led the attack with mastery and confidence that brought him 24 wickets in 5 tests and was well supported by every single bowler who bowled with him. Tremlett, Finn and Bresnan shared tests and wickets and Swann bowled more overs than anyone (though only six more than the excellent Anderson), holding down his end tightly and taking his share of wickets too. That the Aussies were so scared of Swann as to prepare their pitches with the idea of muting him should also not be underestimated in the effect it had on the series. For the result was to hand control over to a seam bowler in his pomp. Catch 22 indeed.

Collingwood removes Hussey with his final ball in Test cricket.

Nobody catches better than England right now. In particular, nobody catches better than Paul Collingwood. Ask Ponting. And in one of those kind of ironies that sport, and particularly cricket, feasts upon it was Collingwood the bowler who made his mark in his retirement test, taking a vital wicket with his final ever ball. No-one will ever care Colly only made 80+ runs in these Ashes. Everyone will remember his catches off Ponting and the inside edge onto stumps he induced from Mike Hussey with his final ball in Sydney. In defeat Collingwood would have been in for the harshest criticism of all, as it was he left a hero and even led out the team on the final morning. Wonderful thing, winning. Wonderful thing, perspective.

Beer's gone and the game's up for Australia

Sport - The Ashes 4th Test M.C.G (review) - England put on a show

It was a blip. Perth was a blip. Christmas was a blip. And the gap in this blog of the Ashes was a blip. I apologize to my reader.

"And if I squeeze a bit harder I can end your Test career too."

England absolutely demolished Australia at the M.C.G, the game effectively over by the end of day one, if not by Tea on day one. You can't win a Test match in a session - but apparently it only takes two. Anderson, Tremlett and Bresnan blew away the Aussies to the tune of 98 all out and by close of play Cook and Strauss had piled on 157-0. Game over. Which makes it all the more strange that a player who never figured at all on that day (even Matt Prior's six catches in that 98 can be forgotten easily it seems) should end up with the MOTM award.

Trott (for it was he) carried on the domination the next day with 168 not out (and again a wicket-keeper's 85, plus the six catches, still doesn't add up enough it seems) and Australia were demolished, humiliated, and generally suffering all they've put England through for a generation. 513 all out made the game last a little longer before Bresnan totalled six wickets for the game (another victory for the selectors who had their best series for a generation too....some correlation here?) in victory by an innings and 157 runs. Ashes retained in Australia. Four little words catalysing an ecstatic shared experience for millions.

Wicket-keepers do, however, stand out in rubbish teams.

The defeat was the worst inflicted on Australia at home in 98 years. Their 8th worst ever. It's hard to bounce back up when the chasm is so deep.

England, of course, are answering lots of critics and lots of questions. The psychology of this crushing victory meant a certain series victory awaited too in Sydney. Everyone knew this. And 1% of every long-suffering England cricket fan's mind had that nagging doubt of 'they can't fuck this one up can they...surely?'

The England camp

Sport - The Ashes 4th Test M.C.G (preview)

Redemption time?

Was Perth a blip? In just over a day we'll find out. Was it a blip in England's batting, a (positive) blip in Johnson's bowling - on his home ground? Time will tell.

I see this from two ways. The over-riding feeling being an England fan is one of pessimism, of 'here we go again', of despondency built up over a generation or more. Ponting will score a hundred even with a broken finger, Hussey will be relentless, Johnson has regained his form. The other side says hold on - Australia were unremittingly bad for 8 days on the trot, England scored 500-1, we can bat this lot out of the Ashes. Time will tell.

Collingwood looks set to retain his place. I hope he doesn't. He is in poor form, very poor form. Trott was introduced late on in a series back in England and hasn't looked back since. The same chance should be afforded to Morgan. I love Paul Collingwood. I wish it were he and not Bell who was making runs. But it isn't. Those big scores in 2008/9 are beginning to look like a heyday. If he's picked I hope he proves me wrong (and let's face it, he wouldn't be the first in this blog) but for me Morgan would be the better bet. The more runs you score the less chance the opposition have of winning. Two draws would suit England. And the pitch is alleged to be one that will flatten out after some possible first day shenanigans. They really should consider Morgan.

Australia are suddenly cock-a-hoop, none more so than Mitchell Johnson. Together with Hussey the local boys made good. For the moment I'm sticking with this theory. Hussey and Johnson all but won that match on their own and the pitch at Perth was obviously a bit different, 'unsuited' to the England batsmen if we're being kind. Johnson bowled well but I wouldn't bet heavily on that continuing. Harris has impressed more and looks to be a more consistent threat. But not that much of a threat. Nine wickets bolstered by the tail flattered even him. I stand by the feeling that this Australian bowling attack cannot take 20 wickets on a flat pitch. If England get lucky with the toss again they should be brave and bowl again (brave because apparently England have only won two tests ever in Australia this way).

12/5 with Skybet for the draw.

Sport - The Ashes Third Test Day Four. The shortest day.

Eclipsed.

Sport - The Ashes Third Test Days Two and Three. Alarm bells ring out for England.

"Now what do you say you Pommie bastard?"

Er, I said sorry Mitch. Sorry for dissing you, sorry for doubting you - and sorry for thinking this was going to be anything other than a bloody difficult job down under. Back in England we had all watched the games, saw the shambles that Australia had become, and tempted fate by trying to assess things truely. What I obviously meant to say in the last blog was words to the effect of 'never write off a wounded Aussie team'. Or never, ever, expect England to match expectations. It's bound to go wrong. It always does. It certainly has.

As you all know by now, England folded to 187 all out and Johnson took the small matter of 6-38 on his home turf at Perth - a bouncy, green, 'results' pitch. The MCG and the SCG can't hope to be as bouncy as this but if the green tinges stay then England have every right to be worried. 501-1 seemed a very long way away from what happened here. By the end of the third day Australia had amassed 309 in their second innings (Hussey with another century, Watson with another nervous 90's dismissal to add to his career stats) and smashed England down to 81-5 at the close. Can't take 20 wickets? Johnson and Harris were to finish the match with 18 between them. Even Siddle and Hilfenhaus can manage the other two. Yes, I was wrong. On a green pitch at least this lot can take 20 wickets. Of course, England took 20 too. It's just that they ended up scoring some 267 runs less.

A happy Harris removes Bell.

81-3 chasing 391 would not have been impossible on this pitch. England made sure they had no chance though with the dismissals of Trott and Collingwood in the last seven balls of the day. Collingwood's dismissal was particularly stupid given that he had a chance to take a single off the previous ball which would have left Anderson to face the final ball of the day. They didn't take it, Collingwood edged to slip and the rest is now Ashes history. Collingwood must now be sweating on the loyalty of the selectors to make sure he isn't Ashes history. On current form he deserves to be history. Though shortly before the series started we should remember the same was being said of Cook.

England have a wonderful batsman sitting on the sidelines waiting to make his mark. Step forward Eoin Morgan, your time has come. On the bowling side the talk is of 'resting' Steve Finn. There has to be a chance England will keep the batting packed with Morgan for Collingwood and A.N.Other (i.e probably Bresnan) for Finn. Bresnan can bat. I'd like to see Monty back for at least one of these last two tests. I have my doubts England are brave enough to risk that.

Sport - The Ashes 3rd Test Day One Tremlett rises to the occasion (Collingwood too)

Catch of the day - Ponting is 'Collingwooded' once again.

The fairytale continues. England fans, so used to waking up to nightmares when their team is in Australia,  were treated to another champagne breakfast from their heroes down under. Perth holds a miserable tradition for England with only one victory (against Australia 2nds in the days of Kerry Packer) against seven defeats. The time difference makes it worse for the fans back home as they have so often been treated to hearing or seeing some of the capitulation, Perth being a couple of hours behind Sydney et al. Today, for the first time in a lot of fan's living memory, the boot was firmly on the other foot. The humiliation for Australia continued.

All the talk of Beer before the game came from the Australian selectors. And it was just that - talk. Beer was put on drinks duty. All the talk of beer during and after the day's play came from the Barmy Army as tumbling wickets were celebrated in time honoured fashion. Phil Hughes's return was as unimpressive as Tremlett's was eye-catching. In the six balls they shared Tremlett put Hughes on his knees before squaring him up, beating him and knocking his stumps over. England are getting pretty good at statements of intent from early on.

If it was hard to imagine a more perfect start Collingwood defied that one. Strauss had already dropped a near impossible chance off Watson at the beginning of Anderson's third over so Colling wood decided to show his Captain how it's done four balls later - and for the prize wicket of Ponting too. If you haven't seen it I suggest you do. Arsenal could do worse for a goalkeeper.

Look ashamed Michael, look very ashamed.

Tremlett picked up three of the first five to leave Australia 69-5. 268 all out might look like a great recovery but really it just shows up the poor batting of Australia's top order - a top order in a real crisis. North may have gone but his replacement Steve Smith looked ludicrously out of position at 6 in the batting order and both his and Clarke's dismissals were tame beyond belief. If Clarke does replace Ponting at the end of what is becoming carnage for Australia then he will either have found some miraculous form out of nowhere - or have friends in very high places.

Hussey and Haddin started a fightback (where have we heard that before) and this time the recalled Johnson joined in too along with Peter Siddle. But with England closing out the new ball to 29-0 it was another day to England, the eighth in a row in this series. Johnson looked pretty stupid trying to play the hard man to Strauss as the players left the field. Michael Vaughan had it about right (for once) "That's desperation. Their team is knackered."

Halfway through the series we have Ponting averaging 20, Clarke 23 (and Hussey 100). Anderson, Finn and Swann have taken 11 wickets apiece. There is only one team playing as a team here. You have to feel for Ricky Ponting. No you don't.

330-5 by this time tomorrow. In our dreams?

Sport - The Ashes 3rd Test Perth Preview. Beer and Skittles.

Line 'em up, knock 'em down - Aussie selection policy in tatters.

Two weeks of snow and ice are slowly beginning to thaw back in England but at nowhere near the pace of the receding threat of Australian cricket. The UK's earliest start to winter in 17 years has been nicely counteracted by the warmth generated from English cricket's earliest start to the Ashes down under for 23 years. Long suffering England fans used to the chopping and changing of a squad usually crippled by injury, inferiority, or both have been treated to life on the other side of the mirror this week as Australia produced a selection policy pulled straight from the 90's English classic Little Book of Horrors and Knee-jerk Obstinate Reactions to Losing Hopelessly.

Nathan Hauritz, once Princely heir to the Warne throne and fresh from making a career best 146 and taking 3-62 to ensure victory for his state team New South Wales is not in the picture. In his place, or at least in the place vacated by the out-of-his-depth Xavier Doherty, please welcome Michael Beer. What do you mean - "Who?" That's Michael Beer, 26, a man with five first-class matches under his belt and 16 wickets at 40. Scoff not. As Andrew Hilditch the selector has noted, Beer is a local specialist at the Waca in Perth. Except he isn't. 12 months ago he was playing club cricket on the other side of the country. He's played three matches at the Waca, never taking more than three wickets. It's quite possible Hilditch doesn't really know who Beer is. And it's mighty strange and extremely satisfying that Australia are capable of having their very own Ted Dexter moments.

So who else is in the picture. Step forward Steve Smith. Brought in as a replacement for North (a casualty nobody can argue with) he is almost certain to play and equally almost certain to score the same runs and take the same wickets as North did. The problem with that is that North was meant to be a batsman who could turn his arm over occasionally. Smith is supposed to be a leggy who can bat a bit. Six of one, half a dozen of the other. But far more likely a couple of each. Runs and wickets that is.

Next in line is Phillip Hughes. England have destroyed his career once already, Harmison and Flintoff finding him out with the short ball. Oh how Broad would have loved to bowl at him. And it's for that reason I expect to see a like-for-like change in the England ranks with the tall Tremlett being given his chance to bounce at Hughes.

Changes four and five (that's nearly half the team - well, they were rubbish weren't they?) bring in, or rather bring back Mitchell Johnson and Ben Hilfenhaus. So ineffective at the Gabba they were both dropped for Adelaide these two selections alone are highly symptomatic of the panic and disarray displayed by this squad selection. Johnson hasn't had a game since Brisbane. Neither has Hilfenhaus. It looks like a case of doing nothing being better than doing poorly. They are both recalled not on the strength of any comeback form but on the weakness of Bollinger at Adelaide. England must be licking their lips.

W.A.C.A Perth

Win the toss and...? Australia will bat, they always do. Any change to this would be seen as a sign of weakness, pretty much like a weak team winning the toss and bowling just to make the game last longer. However, a quick look through recent Tests shows that the team batting in the 4th innings always makes a high score, whether to win, lose or draw. It is here two years ago that I managed to catch Mitchell Johnson exploding onto the global radar with an eight wicket demolition of South Africa only for the Saffas to bite back in the 4th innings with a world record 414-4. And it was an easy 414-4. Australia barely looked like taking a wicket on that fifth day (indeed, they took just one). And in that attack was Brett Lee. And Mitchell Johnson, Peter Siddle and an unknown spinner about to fade into obscurity Jason Krejza. Beware Michael Beer.

England, win the toss, field. Although to be honest, does it even matter these days?